My Fake Fiance, continued

Ugh...the things I do for you. I am so selfless. I've written an entire summary, so you don't even have to watch this fantastic specimen of cinema in order to get that warm fuzzy feeling. You can just read the post and get straight to that box of Franzia in the fridge to drown your sorrows that your husband only has the normal number of abs. Or maybe that's just me, but more on that later

Let's start with some good news. Joey's into some bad guys for a lot of money. Gambling debt. The best kind of debt to marry into! Amirite? And at dinner with her parents, when asked about his childhood, he instead gives details from The Facts of Life, down to every last Tootie. And quotes the theme song.
What a winner!

And MJH is just as bad, fulfilling every last offensive female stereotype once her parents offer to pay for the wedding. Although they had intended to fake the planning and then elope in the end, once her parents offer up a wad of cash, it's time to rent hundreds of expensive chair covers and buy tenderloin and lobster for everyone!
Hooray!

OOH and here's the twist. When he gets kissed by another hot girl, he doesn't go for her! Meanwhile, MJH is trying on bridal gowns and gushing about how "he has ab muscles [she] didn't know existed"! OMG now they're in love!

Then we've got the obligatory scene where he plays with his future niece and nephew and shows how great a guy he is because he gets along with kids so well.
And they use the exact same routine where she shows how good she is with her nephew to show how she's such a great catch?!

What the hell??

They used the SAME cliche device TWICE! They didn't even bother using different kids!

It's so unbelievably unoriginal that I wasn't even expecting it!

At the rehearsal dinner, she finally decides she can't go through with it, but he talks her into it. Then right before walking down the aisle, she decides she can't go through with it, but her dad talks her into it.

I can admit when I'm wrong.
I expected them to call it off for a lot longer than they did.
I take back everything I said about this movie being predictable.

But we're finally to the super-romantic part. When it comes time for exchanging vows, he casts aside the piece of paper she gave him, instead giving an impromptu speech about how he's fallen in love with her. FO REALZ. He gets down on one knee with a ring, proposing to her on the altar. AWWW They spend 20 seconds being engaged, then finish up their vows.

Funny asides:

1) During the ceremony, the reverend makes a trite joke about people getting married for the wrong reasons. "Some just do it for the gifts." Haha, so funny, uncomfortable laughter.

2) While she is visiting her sister in the hospital after a car wreck, MJH pours her heart out to the first person she sees all bandaged up. But....Whaaaa? You mean that person is NOT her sister, and if she had just looked to the left when she walked in, she would've seen her entire family sitting around the other bed in the room? That's so original and UNpredictable!
It's actually quite deliciously ironic since early in the movie, Joey calls one of the goons who wants to break his legs "cliche."

3) The kids are not going to college because MJH's parents are spending their college funds on the fake wedding. LOL. Maybe since the kids are only like 9 years old, their parents could set up new college funds for their own children? Or maybe the kids could take out loans and work their way through school like 90% of Americans do?
Nope.
In the world of ABC Family, people do not go to college unless their grandparents have 100% of it paid for before they're into their tweens.

I love all the twists and turns, and things that are totally out of place. Her sister is in a wreck and goes to the hospital? Why? What does that bring to the story?

There is one really great thing about this movie though. Joey Lawrence is looking FANTASTIC now that he's keeping his hair short. That long-haired Blossom grunge look was so 90s.

I'd sure like to find some new abs that I didn't know existed...